Alex Scott with Randall Stephens - 18 The Future of Entertainment

from by Randall Stephens

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  • My first printed book of poetry "One For The Road" is all about travel and journey, a collection representing work written over a 6 year period.

    Featuring Hopeless crushes in strange places, communications breakdowns, heartbreak, isolation, floods in Thailand, scams in Malaysia, wankers in Auckland, disillusionment in India, freaking out in the Sahara, and a stolen pith helmet in Nepal. We go from exotic adventure to facing up the economic disparities in the world.

    It's 22 individual stories on 60 pages, staple stitched with illustrations, all created and composed by the author.

    Also there's elephants in it. It's pretty good.

    Includes unlimited streaming of 06 Don't Ask Why via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $10 AUD or more 



Written by (and performed with) Alex Scott. Performed live at Slamalamadingdong Poetry Slam, Melbourne May 2013. Courtesy of Jacky T.



I am a tricked out sitcom,
A dramatized dominatrix documentary bio-pic
Of a cross-genre, cross promoting,
Cross-dressing exploitation game show.

Middle Class
Middle-caste untouchable

Every channel is the
Envy channel

I’m going to be a pop star
Learning to dance
For an audience
Of millions

I’m a new sport!
Japanese salarymen are placed into sacks
And rolled down steep, steep hills
While trying to guess at numbers
Locked in briefcases
Carried by an army of repentant fat people
Yelling fitness messages from the sidelines.

And they swap wives
While living in the same house,
Under guard
And with everything on camera,
And I mean everything:
First use of endoscopes in a prime time
Non-medical context.
My liver
Will have it’s own website.

This will be my diary-cam
And it’s all going to be online baby
So post your comments in my inbox,
And blog me!
Blog me now!
God damn it! I’m going to be a forum!
Moderated by a spastic nun on a bicycle.

I am screensavers!
I am a Hungarian would-be starlet singing Mariah Carey in engrish
You can’t miss this!
Cos I’m your catchy ringtone
So swing low
In to my late nights
And I’ve got numbers and breasts
And numbers and breasts
And numbers and breasts
And a universe of text messages
And asian massages
That are HOT, HOT, HOT
So hot it’ll melt your mobile
And you’ll have to get a new one,

What a drag…
Because I’m living in the outback,
In the 1800’s,
In the future.
And it’s all a re-enactment
Of something that never happened.

And I can see where you will stand on every issue
Because I can see you
From where I’m standing.
Because I’m in your back yard,
Blitzing all over your shrubs
And giving you a water feature,
Soon to be a major motion picture.

I was a chef once!
A culinary contender
Before I went on that bender
And slept with a bunch of footballers’ wives.
That’s why they split me,
Like a transporter
Into two and now I battle myself
In a culinary cook-off
Merging styles and culinary inspirations
On a budget, to beat the clock,
And I can’t stop.
Till I put dinner on the table of
Working families everywhere.

Yes! I am the utterly unnecessary part
Of this otherwise complete meal.
A serving suggestion,
Suggesting ingestion,
And digestion
Or failing that - injection
Of perfection.

You won’t recognize yourself,
At the unveiling of your extreme makeover
Because I’ve covered you
with 752
Pairs of lips
Cloned from Angelina Jolie
And grown on the backs
Of an army of mice

And all your mouths are trying to scream at once
And you are hideous and wonderful
And we’ll dip you in molten gold to make
A new Australian Idol!

You and me – we could rule this galaxy together!
Just think about it!
No, don’t think, ACT NOW!
Or forever hold
To your piecemeal solution
To a reality gone off the rails
But not off the air.
Because it’s everywhere!
Everywhere you’re not looking.
So you need something to believe in!

Believe in me!

I am the truth, and the light!
And a designer brand of eyewear.

I am the board game,
You can play along at home!

I am ten year old
Born again, again Christians
Strapped into wheelchairs
And flung into one another
Using high velocity rocket sleds.

I am a veterinary emergency.

I encourage the kind of brand loyalty
That nightly wets the sheets
Of advertising execs.

I am myself, on Ice.

I’ve got more online friends and connections than GOD!
And I’ve never felt more real!


from Product, released September 1, 2013
Written by (and performed with) Alex Scott. Performed live at Slamalamadingdong Poetry Slam, Melbourne May 2013. Courtesy of Jacky T.



all rights reserved


Randall Stephens Melbourne, Australia

Randall Stephens writes poetry about other poetry, cycling, sexuality, masculinity, dinosaurs and your boyfriend. People have called Randall controversial. Randall has called people losers.

Randall has toured extensively in Australia, as well as in New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia and Borneo.

Also competed in London and New York, but didn’t do very well so don’t tell him I mentioned that.
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