from by Randall Stephens

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  • My first printed book of poetry "One For The Road" is all about travel and journey, a collection representing work written over a 6 year period.

    Featuring Hopeless crushes in strange places, communications breakdowns, heartbreak, isolation, floods in Thailand, scams in Malaysia, wankers in Auckland, disillusionment in India, freaking out in the Sahara, and a stolen pith helmet in Nepal. We go from exotic adventure to facing up the economic disparities in the world.

    It's 22 individual stories on 60 pages, staple stitched with illustrations, all created and composed by the author.

    Also there's elephants in it. It's pretty good.

    Includes unlimited streaming of 06 Don't Ask Why via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $10 AUD or more 



Recorded live at Polyester Books, Brunswick Street, Carlton. December 2011. Courtesy of Little Raven Publishing.



breasts are the best oh yes
I'm talking about breasts
and the time has now come to confess
how impressed I am with their shape
their firmness
there's really no contest
for where else my eyes could get


and ah it's just my luck
to then get busted
staring at her bust
then lose her trust
oh now she's real suspicious
that I only think about what juts
out from her chest namely her

believe me I have tried my best
not to be some vile letch
but I am powerless
in resisting temptation
when in any given situation
if an opportunity should occur
of being able to ogle
over there at her breasts

it is for these
for which I continue for to quest
though it oft-times
seems utterly hopeless
as most women just think I'm a pest
to say nothing about
joining me to get undressed
where, I could get a better look at
yeah, her breasts

on the crest of a conquest
I want the bequest
to please be her guest
by all means make... a mess
all over her breasts

breasts, I do not jest
their shapes have become enmeshed
upon my very consciousness
threatening my equilibrium and wellness
my imagination gives me no rest
and on exposure to them now
my intellectual power plumm-ets
spiralling into an infinite regress

damnable breasts I say
they're horrible monsters like Loch-Ness!
and like Captain Ahab chasing
the White Whale I too am obsessed
by those compelling and comely breasts

now I have the onus
of saying to their owners
in the tone of this poem
I mean no disrespect in my intent
but my fellow human beings
It is so, so -hard-
to ignore what I've seen

I mean I really just could
spend whole days gazing
stunned and open-mouthed
'cause they're amazing
pondering those magnificent
works of art that are
so close to both our hearts

your breasts.


from Product, released September 1, 2013
recorded by Van Roberts, Little Raven Publishing.



all rights reserved


Randall Stephens Melbourne, Australia

Randall Stephens writes poetry about other poetry, cycling, sexuality, masculinity, dinosaurs and your boyfriend. People have called Randall controversial. Randall has called people losers.

Randall has toured extensively in Australia, as well as in New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia and Borneo.

Also competed in London and New York, but didn’t do very well so don’t tell him I mentioned that.
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